Chapter 33
After a long day’s ride, when they reached their next campsite, Soren was at Annalise’s side as she dismounted and offered her his arm. “Our walk, just like I promised you.” He’d been looking forward to their discussion all day with some hope and a large amount of trepidation.
She smiled and lightly placed her hand on his arm, letting him guide her away from the others. After a few steps into the woods, she let go and bent down to pick up several sticks that had been protected from the snow by the thick branches of an evergreen tree.
“Princess, what are you doing?” he asked.
“Might as well make ourselves useful gathering firewood. Here, hold this.” She handed the sticks to Soren, who sighed heavily and took them.
They worked in silence for a few minutes before Soren spoke again. “You know, even when we get to Rea you don’t have to continue wearing your mask.”
“The mask protects–”
“It protects you from the scrutiny of others, yes. If your curse was a problem then surely in the past few weeks someone would have gotten sick, but before we left, the healers told me that they’ve never seen a winter with so few ailments.”
“There was a reason my father ordered me to wear it.”
“You’re right, and I think we both know that it had nothing to do with you making others ill.”
Annalise handed Soren another handful of sticks. He took them, then set his entire bundle on the ground and reached for her hand.
She froze, but allowed him to draw her closer. Soren was pleased to see that there was no fear or hesitation in her wide blue eyes, only a tender openness that made him want to drop to his knees and pledge his heart to her right then and there. “I, for one, like you without your mask. You are far too beautiful to hide away behind carved ivory and wood.”
“My curse…”
“Is the least dangerous of your features.” He cupped her bare face in his gloved hand and gently ran his thumb over her smooth cheek, wishing for the thousandth time that they didn’t need to have the cloth between them. “Your eyes could capture a man’s heart with a single look, dooming him to love you for the rest of his life.” His gaze flicked down to her mouth and back up again. “At one word from your lips a man could find himself doing whatever you bid just to hear a few words of praise for a job well done. Your beauty could launch a thousand ships or inspire armies.”
They stood frozen in time. Annalise’s gaze traced over Soren’s face, and her mouth parted ever so slightly. She closed her eyes in one long, slow blink, and for a moment he thought she leaned into his touch, but then her eyes were open, gaze focused, and she stepped back.
It nearly killed him, but Soren let her go.
“You don’t know what you say. Launching ships? Inspiring armies? A beauty to enrapture a man’s heart?” Her laugh was ugly and bitter. “Such pretty words aren’t meant for someone such as I. Any beauty of mine is more suited for comparison to a poisonous flower—nice to look at, perhaps, but deadly if you get too close.”
“I just don’t want you to continue living in fear. You were so happy in Murana, do you really want to return so badly to how things were before?”
“You ask for too much.”
“I’m only asking for you to embrace your freedom while you can.” Soren picked up the bundle of sticks and followed her as she made her way around the edges of a small clearing formed by a break in the trees.
“Which means you’re actually asking me to risk everything.” Annalise shook her head as she grabbed another stick. “Do you know how I would feel if someone got hurt because of me? Either from something I did accidentally, or because my father found out that you’ve been encouraging me to break his rules?”
“Why are you still so worried about his rules? We’re leagues away from him–weeks of travel! Even if he finds out, which he won’t, what’s he going to do? King Evert has no power over you here; he hasn’t ever since you crossed Dovea’s borders. Plus, in a few weeks you’ll be the wife of the Rhinnean king and totally out of your father’s control.”
Annalise’s hands clenched around the newly formed bundle of wood, and for a moment Soren wondered if she’d throw the sticks at him and storm off, but apparently her better nature prevailed. She inhaled deeply through her nose, then out her mouth. “Even after all this time, you don’t understand. I know my father can’t get to me anymore. You’re right—I’m free of his influence, but you aren’t. You’re still his captain, sworn to follow his orders, which in this case means both protecting me and protecting others from me. I refuse to make you choose between whatever affections you hold for me and your duty to him. When you return to Dovea after you’ve given me away to the Rhinnean king, I want you to be able to look my father in the eyes and tell him without any guile or untruth that you discharged your duty and completed the mission.”
“I don’t care about any of that. Annalise–” He reached for her again.
“No.” She stepped back and shook her head. “Don’t say anything more. You’ve worked far too hard and were away from home for too long to endanger everything now. Please let’s stop talking about this. It’s only making both of us upset.”
She turned on her heel and left him alone in the clearing. He kept his hand up for a few more seconds, imagining what it would be like to finish the move, to reach out to her and enfold her in his arms and hold her and never let her go.
He imagined what it would be like to tell her the truth—that he loved her and that at one word from her, he’d leave everything behind without a moment’s hesitation.